So, my journey to my new life and lifestyle (dating women now instead of men) includes education.
Education on what? you may ask.
Hmm, well, let's see. I always sucked at getting any girls to like me ( practically had to beg in my 20's), had terrible self confidence, zero self esteem and had no idea how to get the kind of hot girl that I really wanted. I no longer want to settle for a 5 or 6 out of 10. I want the 8's, 9's and 10's.
So I started with therapy to just work on self confidence. But that didn't fix my social performance problem with the ladies. Then came dating education for men. WOW! now this shit is HOT! I cannot believe how I was doing everything wrong and how sub par my speech, body language and mannerisms were compared to a guy who is naturally good at attracting women.
So I tried their techniques...and I was amazed. Girls like me and I am now acting like the man that I always wanted to act like. Not sleazy or furtive, but strong , confident and sexy. I have a way to go in my education and experience, but I know I'm going to be good and I'm going to finally live out my dreams of great friends, great sex and fabulous, gorgeous intimate female company!
Oh, and that phrase I learned that helped me along the way?
" Blow me or Blow me out!" Meaning: Either be accepting of my attractive conversation,presentation, and nature or tell me to scram. It's helped me to feel strong, feel dominant in seduction and attraction and not worry what the hek a new pretty girl thinks of me.
Be good, Be strong, Be yourself
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Why are all the men so scared
I have noticed that the more confident I become in myself, the more self esteem that I engender, the more that I notice that other people, specifically men, are scared to be themselves. By "themselves," I am talking about avoiding pursuing activities that they think might give other people the idea that they are a sissy or maybe others might question their sexuality...all over an activity choice...sad but true.
This is a list of actvities or traits that stupid people (and by stupid I mean those very accepting of gays especially) associate with a man being homosexual:
Dancing
Artistic
Sensitive
Understanding
Clean
Attractive
Neat
In shape
Muscular ( especially when over 30)
Adornments ( jewelry, earrings)
Well dressed ( meaning tailored well fitted clothing)
Well groomed
Silly witted
Jovial
So, if you are a man, and over 30, and don't want to be called out as gay ( behind your back) from new and old friends and acquaintances, make sure you stay away from any of the above characteristics or activities. Sad what an uncultured slob you need to be isn't it !
In Europe, a large percentage of men fit the aforementioned traits.
American ideals of a hetero man are a bit sad aren't they. Or at least I think so. For the younger generation, it has changed a bit, but almost all generations expect "silly" behavior from gay males and that is the sad part. Many gay males may exhibit flamboyant, irrational, silly behavior and this is what many people are exposed to, and then come to expect these beahviors traits when meeting any bi or gay man. This makes it harder on other guys who are not gay (but cultured) to get a fair break, as well as making it difficult for gay men who are very "Average Joe" to garner respect from the public at large.
It's quite ironic that the first "gay" protests in Philadelphia at Independence Mall in the 60's were formulated so that the "gay" protesters looked just like everyone else. Men in suits and ties and ladies in appropriate dresses. I feel that this paradigm was the correct path for acceptance as well as integration into society at large. Something happened along the way....
Todays gay pride events seem to celerate the "difference" that lies between gay and heterosexual people and I feel as long as this idea is perpetuated and fostered, there is less chance of gay people (especially men) gaining respect from society at large. It creates streotypes in the general public's mind and makes hetero people in general less confortable with their gay counterparts. The empahasis has shifted to people's disturbance with the difference in social behavior, when they may not even care about the difference in sexual behavior. Why create this divide? Also, the flamboyant behavior at large makes the choice to come out even more difficult for those less flamboyant gay men.
With all this said, even considering my opinions above, I believe one should be who he or she wants to be. Being unique is a wonderful thing... as I have always been a bit "out of the loop" and expect to stay that way.
I feel sad that commercials and TV shows condition our young men to feel threatened and be "freaked out" by the possible mere accidental touch of another men, and at the same time they support and yet proselytize that young women partake in same sex groping. The double standard is annoying to me since watching either sex get it on works for me!
I have learned to be who I am, yet I had to fight to become who I am. I fought past the bigotry of those who said they would not accept me as formerly gay, and now much more interested in women, and I fought past the stupid people who think they are so hip that they know another person's sexuality just from how they behave socially and can't accept any other paradigm (so how hip are they?).
I dance, I sing, I box, and do wrestling, I go to art galleries and hair salons, as well as football games and baseball games. I go to straight bars, I sometimes stop in at gay bars or events. I like kicking ass as well as admiring a nice round one (either sex) pass by on a nice sunny day. I know that I admire nice looking, strong confident guys, but now I prefer the company ladies in the bedroom. I've learned not to confuse admiration and pleasure in form with what I want sexually, and anyway..with the gay stuff..been there and done that..it got old and stale (for me). Women have been a whole new exciting adventure, and their bodies are beautiful, soft, intoxicating and sex with them is addictive. I feel stupid for avoiding the ladies for so long, and listening to those who said that if I had been with men I had no right to pursue women. Oh well, my bad.
There are many political reasons why I would NOT want the USA to be like western Europe, but when it comes to our sad sterotypes about male traits, activities and behavior, I do wish we would become a lot more like those across the pond... they have it together and don't get their panties in a wad about male sexuality, dress and behavior.
This is a list of actvities or traits that stupid people (and by stupid I mean those very accepting of gays especially) associate with a man being homosexual:
Dancing
Artistic
Sensitive
Understanding
Clean
Attractive
Neat
In shape
Muscular ( especially when over 30)
Adornments ( jewelry, earrings)
Well dressed ( meaning tailored well fitted clothing)
Well groomed
Silly witted
Jovial
So, if you are a man, and over 30, and don't want to be called out as gay ( behind your back) from new and old friends and acquaintances, make sure you stay away from any of the above characteristics or activities. Sad what an uncultured slob you need to be isn't it !
In Europe, a large percentage of men fit the aforementioned traits.
American ideals of a hetero man are a bit sad aren't they. Or at least I think so. For the younger generation, it has changed a bit, but almost all generations expect "silly" behavior from gay males and that is the sad part. Many gay males may exhibit flamboyant, irrational, silly behavior and this is what many people are exposed to, and then come to expect these beahviors traits when meeting any bi or gay man. This makes it harder on other guys who are not gay (but cultured) to get a fair break, as well as making it difficult for gay men who are very "Average Joe" to garner respect from the public at large.
It's quite ironic that the first "gay" protests in Philadelphia at Independence Mall in the 60's were formulated so that the "gay" protesters looked just like everyone else. Men in suits and ties and ladies in appropriate dresses. I feel that this paradigm was the correct path for acceptance as well as integration into society at large. Something happened along the way....
Todays gay pride events seem to celerate the "difference" that lies between gay and heterosexual people and I feel as long as this idea is perpetuated and fostered, there is less chance of gay people (especially men) gaining respect from society at large. It creates streotypes in the general public's mind and makes hetero people in general less confortable with their gay counterparts. The empahasis has shifted to people's disturbance with the difference in social behavior, when they may not even care about the difference in sexual behavior. Why create this divide? Also, the flamboyant behavior at large makes the choice to come out even more difficult for those less flamboyant gay men.
With all this said, even considering my opinions above, I believe one should be who he or she wants to be. Being unique is a wonderful thing... as I have always been a bit "out of the loop" and expect to stay that way.
I feel sad that commercials and TV shows condition our young men to feel threatened and be "freaked out" by the possible mere accidental touch of another men, and at the same time they support and yet proselytize that young women partake in same sex groping. The double standard is annoying to me since watching either sex get it on works for me!
I have learned to be who I am, yet I had to fight to become who I am. I fought past the bigotry of those who said they would not accept me as formerly gay, and now much more interested in women, and I fought past the stupid people who think they are so hip that they know another person's sexuality just from how they behave socially and can't accept any other paradigm (so how hip are they?).
I dance, I sing, I box, and do wrestling, I go to art galleries and hair salons, as well as football games and baseball games. I go to straight bars, I sometimes stop in at gay bars or events. I like kicking ass as well as admiring a nice round one (either sex) pass by on a nice sunny day. I know that I admire nice looking, strong confident guys, but now I prefer the company ladies in the bedroom. I've learned not to confuse admiration and pleasure in form with what I want sexually, and anyway..with the gay stuff..been there and done that..it got old and stale (for me). Women have been a whole new exciting adventure, and their bodies are beautiful, soft, intoxicating and sex with them is addictive. I feel stupid for avoiding the ladies for so long, and listening to those who said that if I had been with men I had no right to pursue women. Oh well, my bad.
There are many political reasons why I would NOT want the USA to be like western Europe, but when it comes to our sad sterotypes about male traits, activities and behavior, I do wish we would become a lot more like those across the pond... they have it together and don't get their panties in a wad about male sexuality, dress and behavior.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
What is your definition of Gay?
Is a gay man defined from what he does in the bedroom, or is he defined by his social behavior? I had many a contentious argument with past friends about this very point. More times than I care to remember (unfortunately starting with my father at the tender age of 8 ) I have been told I was gay. All based upon the perceptions of my social behavior ( I'm sure I did not grope all the other boys at all when I was 8 and 9...sheesh). But what I found out, that what was different about me was that I was more sensitive. Not as tough and aggressive. I also found I feared a lot of things as a child and adolescent.
When I was in my 30's the same problem was continuing on. Because of my "behavior" people thought I was gay. But I did not have a boyfriend nor talked of previous affairs with men. I asked girls out all the time and I only showed interest in the ladies. But those around me seemed to know more about me and pre-judged me to fit into their filter of how the world should be.
It came to a head in my 30's. I was tired of being called gay, tired of being gay by default, and tired of having to avoid my interest in women because, if I followed society's rules, my past affairs with men doomed me to a life only with men. To skip to the other side would be seen as less than genuine and trying to escape my destiny. So I went to therapy.
My therapist called up a few of my friends, wanting to know what I did that was so "gay." Her impression of me was that I did not have many sterotypical mannerisms except shrill voice when I got excited. She came back to report that there was nothing overtly "gay" about me from her investigative interviews. Nothing overly feminine in gesture, walk or demeanor, but just nuances of a unique personality. I just seemed different to these people; a man not in the mainstream. Since I was handsome, and no girlfriend at the time, they had nowhere else to categorize me but in the gay category ( or else it would have to be crazy category..ha). I contend that prejudice of this kind is highest on the east coast, south and possibly mid west, but not on the west coast. She also explained that my ADHD hyperactivity did not help the matter, because I acted a bit too "silly" for my rugged exterior looks.
So there you have it, gay by default and discrimination. Branded gay because Idid not conform, even though I did not fit the "gay" feminine mold. I learned over the next few years to tune out all that I heard from others, and to get a hold of my ADHD a bit.
Could I still have the problem of being called gay these days ...I suppose, but more importantly do I care..absolutely not. For I have learned that my biggest problem was defining myself based upon other peoples perceptions of their world and that was a big mistake. For I will never let myself be defined by another person's filter... especially since I know that I am not gay. I have more sex with my girlfriends in 3 months then some men have in a lifetime. Being weak, and living in fear for so long kept me quite unhappy, but now I am free.
Finally, I leaned an interesting lesson about the definition of gay. When someone around me points out a man as being gay gay, a man whom they do not know, I now ask if they know of his boyfriend or past affairs etc. They always answer they do not. To that question I ask them, " Is your definition of gay feminine behavior in the male gender or is it based on sexual behavior?" I then wait for them to answer. Ususally they say both and to that I answer, " well, there is no scientific link that I know of between a man who might be a bit feminine and homosexual tendencies, so it might be better not to have such prejudice against a man who is more sensitive and different, unless you really know about him."
I now find it enhoyable to challenge the sterotypical bigoted, prejudiced perceptions of people who think they are so open minded. For I know that if that man they accused of being gay said he was not gay, they would not believe him... and if he said he was bi they would still think he was secretly gay... and so goes the life of a those who think they are so cool and liberal in mind, but are almost always proven to be prejudicial and bigots in true spirit.
When I was in my 30's the same problem was continuing on. Because of my "behavior" people thought I was gay. But I did not have a boyfriend nor talked of previous affairs with men. I asked girls out all the time and I only showed interest in the ladies. But those around me seemed to know more about me and pre-judged me to fit into their filter of how the world should be.
It came to a head in my 30's. I was tired of being called gay, tired of being gay by default, and tired of having to avoid my interest in women because, if I followed society's rules, my past affairs with men doomed me to a life only with men. To skip to the other side would be seen as less than genuine and trying to escape my destiny. So I went to therapy.
My therapist called up a few of my friends, wanting to know what I did that was so "gay." Her impression of me was that I did not have many sterotypical mannerisms except shrill voice when I got excited. She came back to report that there was nothing overtly "gay" about me from her investigative interviews. Nothing overly feminine in gesture, walk or demeanor, but just nuances of a unique personality. I just seemed different to these people; a man not in the mainstream. Since I was handsome, and no girlfriend at the time, they had nowhere else to categorize me but in the gay category ( or else it would have to be crazy category..ha). I contend that prejudice of this kind is highest on the east coast, south and possibly mid west, but not on the west coast. She also explained that my ADHD hyperactivity did not help the matter, because I acted a bit too "silly" for my rugged exterior looks.
So there you have it, gay by default and discrimination. Branded gay because Idid not conform, even though I did not fit the "gay" feminine mold. I learned over the next few years to tune out all that I heard from others, and to get a hold of my ADHD a bit.
Could I still have the problem of being called gay these days ...I suppose, but more importantly do I care..absolutely not. For I have learned that my biggest problem was defining myself based upon other peoples perceptions of their world and that was a big mistake. For I will never let myself be defined by another person's filter... especially since I know that I am not gay. I have more sex with my girlfriends in 3 months then some men have in a lifetime. Being weak, and living in fear for so long kept me quite unhappy, but now I am free.
Finally, I leaned an interesting lesson about the definition of gay. When someone around me points out a man as being gay gay, a man whom they do not know, I now ask if they know of his boyfriend or past affairs etc. They always answer they do not. To that question I ask them, " Is your definition of gay feminine behavior in the male gender or is it based on sexual behavior?" I then wait for them to answer. Ususally they say both and to that I answer, " well, there is no scientific link that I know of between a man who might be a bit feminine and homosexual tendencies, so it might be better not to have such prejudice against a man who is more sensitive and different, unless you really know about him."
I now find it enhoyable to challenge the sterotypical bigoted, prejudiced perceptions of people who think they are so open minded. For I know that if that man they accused of being gay said he was not gay, they would not believe him... and if he said he was bi they would still think he was secretly gay... and so goes the life of a those who think they are so cool and liberal in mind, but are almost always proven to be prejudicial and bigots in true spirit.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
To Bi or not to Bi, that was my question
So there I was, 1am, so much work to do, a hectic schedule at my business looming every day, and a movie caught my attention. I was ” A prayer for Bobby” Starring Sigourney Weaver. Now I’m no one to miss one of her performances, and yes , my fav was Ripley in Aliens… One of my all time favorite movies. Much to my surprise, at several of the emotional climaxes in this movie, I found myself seriously sobbing… more than I have cried watching any other movie.
So I thought to myself, are my issues related to self identity much deeper or not as resolved as I had thought. My next move was to research and look up facts about the real story and it’s participants. And then I decided I want to share about my experience, my sexuality, my empowerment and my freedom with others. To give strength, possible guidance and hopefully a bit of solace to those lost or feeling dejected.
Now that the tears are dry ( it was only 1 hour ago that I watched the movie), I feel that I can identify why the emotions welled up so furiously. I suppose I can rememner when I felt like Bobby, when I felt rejected, when I felt “less than” and when I was trapped in isolation as opposed to between worlds, and at times thought about suicide.
One thing that stuck me in my readings of posts and blogs online and about the movie is how many people postulate about the “lack” of choice when it came to their sexuality, and that seems to be the only voice I ever hear. I do accept and understand this emphasis, however, I must say that in MY life, my choice of partner is just that.. a choice. Currently, I am able to choose a woman or a man and I am the proverbial “one in a million 50-50″ bi guy if you talk to those in the gay community. Either sex is acceptable to me presently , however I will admit that my current compass is swinging much more towards the ladies… and I am not sure it will swing back that far… let me explain more…
When it came to sexuality, I was always told..yes sadly told,over and over by my father and others that I was gay. The interesting part is that I was told this from the age of about 8… not quite the ripest age range for sexual interest.
Now as it goes for young adolescents, many may find interest in the same sex at times, it has been proven to be quite a normal art of growing up. Whether the proclivity sticks will determine the sexuality. I did have some passing interest in other boys, and plenty for girls, but I must admit that my father’s words always were at the forefront of my head. I found myself negating my interest in women because I actually thought that I was destined to be gay ( as I was told) since I did have some interest.. at times.
Ah, so now the nay sayers arrive to discredit my experience by saying, ” oh please, that is ridiculous, you are who you are, and you will be with who you are destined to be with!” To that I can only say , you are WRONG. To that I say, “in a storm any port will do.” I also add that human behavior can be adapted to a multitude of situations in which the individual would have never thought they could have participated. I give as an example, European citizens in WWII who carried out horrible atrocities upon other human beings. I am sure they could have never imagined carrying out such horrors just a few years prior. And of course I can assert that same sex relationships happen while humans are incarcerated all the time.
So my story has actually led me from believing that I was a gay man to now moving towards being a straight man. This was not with the help of any religious organizations, as I am not the religious type. It has actually been a natural progression that have made as I have finally gotten to know and accept who I really am.
My journey has taken a lot of courage, and a lot of fighting to get to where I am. I assumed I might have some opposition to my choice, but I never imagined how people could had no accceptance of my journey and choice.
For to profess that one is living his life as a lie and is now coming out as gay is universally accepted as the perdetermined correct paradigm. But if one comes to the conclusion that he has tried same sex relationships and now feels that opposite sex relationships may his path is quite politically incorrect. I found out that it is so incorrect that those around me interjected their values and experiences, and told me that I was confused. Pity seemed to be the predominant emotion. Since “they” had not had that experience, my assertion about mine seemed to be perceived as a falsehood.
So for now I leave myself labeled as bi. I am attractive and virile, but do not currently date much as I tired of the explanations and arguments over mychoice. I found myself needing to disconnect from those who I did know because of their discriminatory ways (yes I did say discrimination). I find my life as a perceived gay man moving into my past now instead of identifying my present life.
What I have found most disturbing is the lack of acceptance of those who have the courage to identify as bisexual. I have also found a complete lack of participation in bi support groups. What I learned is that being bisexual means having gay and straight people scoff at you. The terms ” Fence sitter” and swinger come to mind. Gays hate me because I feel I have choice in my sexuality and they assert there is no choice. And straight in general assume that I’m just too scared to be gay and lack self esteem.
My journey ( remember I said mine..not yours) has taken me from about zero self esteem ( gay tendencies) to my present well adjusted high self esteem ( hetero tendencies). This was a natural progressions and I just went where my true feelings led me without any preconceived hopes or aspirations. I needed to be fearless, and I needed to find myself to know who I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with ( in social as well as intimate settings because many base social strata upon sexuality)
Do I find men attractive? well I suppose in certain ways they are … 10 years of sex with men is bound to have an effect on how I see things. DoI find women attractive, yes, and more than men in a more sexualized way.
So I say to all those other bi or gay to str8 people just coming out..be fearless. I say to you that you need to know that your current sexual compass may not be” your destiny.” My advice is to know yourself , and above all, else listen to YOU, not others… because when it comes right down to it, they have nothing to do with your choices. If they give you a lot of crap, remember that that they are speaking using THEIR filter of the world. Whatever they experienced is not your journey and it is for them to work out their prejudices… you can only point out their proclivity to jump to prejudgement.
Until later..
BeStrong
So I thought to myself, are my issues related to self identity much deeper or not as resolved as I had thought. My next move was to research and look up facts about the real story and it’s participants. And then I decided I want to share about my experience, my sexuality, my empowerment and my freedom with others. To give strength, possible guidance and hopefully a bit of solace to those lost or feeling dejected.
Now that the tears are dry ( it was only 1 hour ago that I watched the movie), I feel that I can identify why the emotions welled up so furiously. I suppose I can rememner when I felt like Bobby, when I felt rejected, when I felt “less than” and when I was trapped in isolation as opposed to between worlds, and at times thought about suicide.
One thing that stuck me in my readings of posts and blogs online and about the movie is how many people postulate about the “lack” of choice when it came to their sexuality, and that seems to be the only voice I ever hear. I do accept and understand this emphasis, however, I must say that in MY life, my choice of partner is just that.. a choice. Currently, I am able to choose a woman or a man and I am the proverbial “one in a million 50-50″ bi guy if you talk to those in the gay community. Either sex is acceptable to me presently , however I will admit that my current compass is swinging much more towards the ladies… and I am not sure it will swing back that far… let me explain more…
When it came to sexuality, I was always told..yes sadly told,over and over by my father and others that I was gay. The interesting part is that I was told this from the age of about 8… not quite the ripest age range for sexual interest.
Now as it goes for young adolescents, many may find interest in the same sex at times, it has been proven to be quite a normal art of growing up. Whether the proclivity sticks will determine the sexuality. I did have some passing interest in other boys, and plenty for girls, but I must admit that my father’s words always were at the forefront of my head. I found myself negating my interest in women because I actually thought that I was destined to be gay ( as I was told) since I did have some interest.. at times.
Ah, so now the nay sayers arrive to discredit my experience by saying, ” oh please, that is ridiculous, you are who you are, and you will be with who you are destined to be with!” To that I can only say , you are WRONG. To that I say, “in a storm any port will do.” I also add that human behavior can be adapted to a multitude of situations in which the individual would have never thought they could have participated. I give as an example, European citizens in WWII who carried out horrible atrocities upon other human beings. I am sure they could have never imagined carrying out such horrors just a few years prior. And of course I can assert that same sex relationships happen while humans are incarcerated all the time.
So my story has actually led me from believing that I was a gay man to now moving towards being a straight man. This was not with the help of any religious organizations, as I am not the religious type. It has actually been a natural progression that have made as I have finally gotten to know and accept who I really am.
My journey has taken a lot of courage, and a lot of fighting to get to where I am. I assumed I might have some opposition to my choice, but I never imagined how people could had no accceptance of my journey and choice.
For to profess that one is living his life as a lie and is now coming out as gay is universally accepted as the perdetermined correct paradigm. But if one comes to the conclusion that he has tried same sex relationships and now feels that opposite sex relationships may his path is quite politically incorrect. I found out that it is so incorrect that those around me interjected their values and experiences, and told me that I was confused. Pity seemed to be the predominant emotion. Since “they” had not had that experience, my assertion about mine seemed to be perceived as a falsehood.
So for now I leave myself labeled as bi. I am attractive and virile, but do not currently date much as I tired of the explanations and arguments over mychoice. I found myself needing to disconnect from those who I did know because of their discriminatory ways (yes I did say discrimination). I find my life as a perceived gay man moving into my past now instead of identifying my present life.
What I have found most disturbing is the lack of acceptance of those who have the courage to identify as bisexual. I have also found a complete lack of participation in bi support groups. What I learned is that being bisexual means having gay and straight people scoff at you. The terms ” Fence sitter” and swinger come to mind. Gays hate me because I feel I have choice in my sexuality and they assert there is no choice. And straight in general assume that I’m just too scared to be gay and lack self esteem.
My journey ( remember I said mine..not yours) has taken me from about zero self esteem ( gay tendencies) to my present well adjusted high self esteem ( hetero tendencies). This was a natural progressions and I just went where my true feelings led me without any preconceived hopes or aspirations. I needed to be fearless, and I needed to find myself to know who I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with ( in social as well as intimate settings because many base social strata upon sexuality)
Do I find men attractive? well I suppose in certain ways they are … 10 years of sex with men is bound to have an effect on how I see things. DoI find women attractive, yes, and more than men in a more sexualized way.
So I say to all those other bi or gay to str8 people just coming out..be fearless. I say to you that you need to know that your current sexual compass may not be” your destiny.” My advice is to know yourself , and above all, else listen to YOU, not others… because when it comes right down to it, they have nothing to do with your choices. If they give you a lot of crap, remember that that they are speaking using THEIR filter of the world. Whatever they experienced is not your journey and it is for them to work out their prejudices… you can only point out their proclivity to jump to prejudgement.
Until later..
BeStrong
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